I've never been accused of being tactful. 
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
You know, or course, this could cost you your Mensa status.
From: LittleJohn
%
I've not compared you to wild dogs, KKK members (and you're calling Melissa anti-Semitic?), or
terrorists.  I may call you a miserable excuse for a human being, but
that's an opinion based upon observation
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
Oh yes, we have this secret cabal to commit genocide on a world scale.
Crap guys; they're onto us!  Code Blue!  Code Blue!  Go to Sleeper
Cell
status and rendezvous under your secret identities at the prescribed
dates and times.  This may set us back a bit, but I'm confident our
intrusions into the governments of all the world powers will succeed
some day soon.  Just a little while longer guys and we'll be able to
break free of the repression that.... who is it we're supposed be
exterminating again?  Crap!  Sorry guys, genocide's off; we can't
remember who it was we hated.  You can all take off your hood and
cloaks now.  I'm buying the first round.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
What's this goat doing here?
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
Aw man! I have the Canadian navy wrapped around my finger! Once the
Canoes of War choke lake Erie the rest of the world will be OURS!
HAAAHHHaahahaaaaa!
From: Handover Phist
%
A child of the 60's was more likely to have a bad acid trip than spend
time in prison.
From: No_One
%
Let me see if I understand.  In the fist sentence of your dissertation
you call me a liar and you seriously expect me to continue reading.
You are one delusion soul.
From: No_One
%
The day ac admits he's wrong it's time to get your ass to church and
start lighting candles, the world is about to come to a crashing,
horrible end.
From: No_One
%
You say "I am about to embark upon an adventure to accomplish the task
of taking out the garbage."  I say "I'm fixin' t' take out da trash."
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
Yeah, the concept of taking responsibility for learning seems to be
ground breaking, these days.
From: notbob
%
Maybe a bottle of aspirin to reduce the swelling between your ears
From: Floyd L. Davidson
%
I look forward to your response saying that you didn't read my post. 
From: Keith Keller
%
<SNIPPED: YET ANOTHER DOSE OF REALITY FOR AL TO IGNORE>
From: Franklin
%
(1) false assumption: that i've not been ignoring you.
(2) paranoid projection: that i hate you.
(3) psychotic projection: that there are others i hate.
(4) paranoid projection: that there are large numbers of others i hate.
(5) misdirection: fails to address any point in previous reply.
From: William Hunt
%
Some people prefer fish sticks.  The problem is they're not very
nutritious.  But that's okay--the fishermen can ignore the folks who
want fish sticks (and berate the people who want fish sticks right off
the docks), and eventually some of those will realize how nasty fish
sticks are and want to learn to fish for themselves.  Those who
don't...
well, McRedHat's that way --> .
From: Keith Keller
%
Remember that the sasquatch people have learned how to imitate humans
so as to move freely throughout our society if necessary.  Being
raised by these gentle creatures, Alan Conner has learned many of
their ways and can be a very tricky one.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
I've heard of this OS called Windows you might like. You don't have to
know anything to run it. Just run Windows and pay $50 an hour to some
smuck when it eventually breaks. 
From: Morgan Landry
%
And btw, wtf do you have an MIT email address for?
Has MIT really gone that far downhill? My goodness, I have a degree
from a no-name university in *English* for chrissakes and I know how
to post my questions in the right forums. GAFC, OK?
From: Morgan Landry
%
A quick note on Debian: Debian is for people who think they're good
enough to be a Slacker, but still need to have someone (apt-get) to
hold their hands and can't deal with vanilla versions. 'Nuff said ;)
From: Michael Bueker
%
I finally gathered enough nerve to give Slackware a try and instantly
wanted to cause great bodily harm to all those who told me "it's not
something a beginner should try".
From: James Woodard
%
Slackware took me from being a beginner home user to being
a pro.  (Well, pro as in getting paid to do linux--there are
certainly many others out there who know more than I!)  So,
I think the answer to your last question is "yes".  But don't
take our word for it--download some ISOs and give it a try!
From: Keith Keller
%
what makes you say something so sweeping and inaccurate
From: No_One
%
Slackware does not wipe your arse for you. Personally I prefer to wipe
my own arse. You need to learn how to wipe your own arse first though,
but being forced to do it for yourself will teach you quicker than
anything else. You'll smell funny if you don't learn how to do it, and
you'll be rewarded with a lifetime of independance when you do. 
From: David Jenkinson
%
Slackware only requires that you use some of those gray cells between
your ears...it requires you to think and read.  It's as simple as
that.
From: No_One
%
If you really want the easy stuff made idiot-proof, perhaps Slackware
isn't for you.  On the other hand, if you want the hard stuff to be
possible, Slackware is right up there on the list of what will play
nicely.
From: Dave Vandervies
%
Wow, if pico is bloated, what do you call Emacs? 
From: Steve Youngs
%
I might would use Gnus is some one could please post a tutorial on how
to dual-boot linux and emacs.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
I don't know. It might have something to do with your spellchecker.
You see, frase should be phrase, tnx should probably be thanks and
alt.os.linux.slackware should be alt.os.linux.suse.
From: James Woodard
%
Slackware has *always* "been there," but it's taking some time
for all the users to "get there."
From: Robby Workman
%
Did you close the little window thingie?
From: notbob
%
I'm possibly the only person on the whole of Usenet who has you scored
UP Alan - wouldn't miss one of your posts for worlds. 
From: Glyn Millington
%
If you are looking for a Windows replacement Slackware is definitely
not for you. If you are looking for a modern UNIX, it is perfect.
From: Illustrious matter
%
Still playing the same old record, eh Al.  Big time bad ass self made
company man, published author, and all around legend-in-your-own-mind
still sniffing around a buncha dogs trying to convince yourself of
your own superiority.  How pathetic.
From: notbob
%
You really believe this?  As I have pointed out, the limited available
facts do not support this.  I hope your consulting firm does not
get paid to conduct trade studies of any kind.
From: ~kurt
%
Hm... I want to take Debian and use a really nicely done KDE and have
it hadle everything for me, but I don't know how. Oh!  I know! I'll
use Kannotix!  It's not exactly what I want, but it's close enough and
it's the latest popular gee-whiz new distro out there so I'll be part
of the cool "in" crowd.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
The bottom line that market share people should realize is...that
there are NO accurate numbers for Linux users let alone numbers on a
distro by distro basis.  The nature of Linux makes it impossible to
even get guesstimates let alone anything that will pass as a reliable
stat. 
From: No_One
%
Guess I use Slack precisely because there is no lipstick.
From: Niki Kovacs
%
Dyzclaimer: anyone reading this while blind,deaf and/or dumb should be
aware that it was not directly intended to involve them to burst in
obnoxious giggling
From: Loki Harfagr
%
In order for the message you posted to reach the news servers others
use, it must be reproduced, whether or not you've granted explicit
permission for such.  It seems that perhaps you should take this up
with your ISP, since they've been sending copies of your posts to
various other news servers without your permission, and those news
servers have been sending copies to yet more news servers!  If there's
anything I can do to help you have them stop doing so, just let me
know! 
From: Sylvain Robitaille
%
Since Mr Connor is the expert, and loves to share the fact but not any
knowledge...I'll just find my own information instead of bothering him
or anyone else for that matter.
From: dTd
%
Please accept my apologies, Daniel.
From: Alan Connor
%
Just ignore the psychotic loser idiot who's been replying to you.
He's a certified kook, who is in more killfiles than anyone else on
Usenet. He posts only to see his words "in print", as that is the only
satisfaction he can achieve in his miserable little life.  He's also a
promoter of email spam technologies, and just a general loser all
around.
From: Dan C
%
Arrrrrr, the kernel be that part o' ye ship that keeps ye floatin'!
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
I for one have very little to contribute 
From: Manfred
%
If it's ok with Dave Barry it's ok with me.  Arrrr.
From: Thorn
%
Haiku to the command line:
Deceptively plain
Power parodoxical
I am in heaven
From: aaronl
%
So the moral of the story is to not brag about your hard drives unless
you know they aren't going break down the next day?
From: Miguel De Anda
%
Wait minute, you mean the chicken is suppose to be dead??!!  Well,
that explains the problem.
From: No_One
%
Clearly you didn't take the time to open the hard drive, and write a
message to those hard drive gods, so the drive would act as a prayer
wheel when it was on, and keep the wrath of the HD gods at bay.
From: Michael Black
%
How does a language, even a mark-up language, go for so long without
a "cat" command?  Isn't there some stone tablet somewhere that states
in no uncertain terms that all computer languages must have a cat
equivalent?  This just seems really sloppy to me.
From: +Alan Hicks+  In: Slackware-OT 
%
do us all a favour, and kill-file all multi-character aliases as well.
From: Joost Kremers
%
How do you pummel someone into submission with the mental equivalent
of a wet cotton ball?
From: Ciro The Spider-Man
%
To: The Parents of Alan Connor
Re: Your spawn.

We at the Internation Regents of Asshat/Reject Eradication (IRATE)
wish to discuss with you your son, Alan. In his time on this lovely
planet of ours, he appears to have manifested every sort of
anti-social personality pathogen known to man, and a few we haven't
quite worked out yet.

While we realize that this is the result of a defective neural
cluster, and not indicative of your parenting abilities, we offer this
following suggestion, to prevent a repeat infection of society by
another cancerous boil like Alan: 

Take up Oral Sex. Society will thank you.

F. L. Ames,
President, IRATE.
From: Ciro The Spider-Man
%
It would be kinda fun to lock rm, GP, AC, and ANC all up in the same
cell.
They all deserve each other.
From: ~kurt
%
I am the _real_ rm
From: Realto Margarino
%
Will you ignorant fucking Google Groups posters learn how to quote
something which you are replying to?
Better yet, just stop posting altogether.
From: Dan C
%
You're not a dummy. You're just a sub-genius.
From: Jim
%
I just went from 9.1 to current, and did it manually.
Why do I post this? To reap praise upon myself?
To get some kind of feedback? To start a discussion?
I did it all for Bob!
Praise Bob.
From: binroot
%
ANC's mind is all fucked up.  He seems to have a crush on Hicks, who
he constantly flatters, to my horror.
From: Realto Margarino
%
Getting into a pissing match on the size of your screen is even more
stupid than getting into a pissing match on the size of your stick.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
How many "longtime Slack users" do you know who can't compile a
kernel, and who post from GG using Windoze?
From: Dan C
%
Got a package?  Better yet, got a SlackBuild?
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
And seriously, you've got to be screwed up in the head to act like any 
of the trolls we have around here.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
Apologies not necessary for someone who has never had an orginal
thought.
From: No_One
%
I leave you with this piece of advice, advice from someone who has no
interest in your existence...get help, talk to a minister, a rabbi, a
shrink, a hooker, whatever turns your key... 
From: No_One
%
I think you owe Morons everywhere a heartfelt public apology.
From: Sylvain Robitaille
%
Oct 2005:
> Donald Trump ... we were friends... 
Apr 2005:
> Donald Trump ... we are not firends.
From: ANC
%
I remember your entrance here as "ABC" coming to this group and
demanding people spoon feed you answers to questions easily solved by
man pages, and a quick google search.
From: MikeReynolds
%
I hadn't considered the possibility that he could be so complete
impervious to CLUE.
From: Sylvain Robitaille
%
some people can't look at themselves through anything but
rose-colored glasses.  People like Al are going to believe themselves
infallible no matter what.  They have such a drive to be the best, the
leader, the (to use Al's own words) Alpha that they cannot see any
fault in themselves. Any problems, conflicts, setbacks or
inconsistancies _must_ be the fault of other people, simply because
they cannot bring themselves to believe that they are fallible. It's
pathetic really.  They'll forever be despised because they project
their own short-comings on other people.  Other people then resent
that, and the cycle of self-defeat continues.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
You've shown yourself to be very difficult to reason with.  I know,
I've tried it myself.
From: Sylvain Robitaille
%
You're comic relief, Al, not "intellect". 
From: Sylvain Robitaille
%
We both made the mistake of thinking Big Al could be reasoned with in
a logical manner.
From: Scott Cole
%
Your shell needs a whuppin with /dev/stick.
From: Handover Phist
%
Practice makes perfect. After mounting your arsehole a few times the
pain will let you know where the problem is. Make sure you have
permission to mount your arsehole. You may want to take yourself out
to dinner first.
From: Handover Phist
%
Thou shalt not mount devices.
From: Thomas Overgaard
%
Apart from it being as slow as a slug with its foot torn off it's
looking good but I'm not sure that was where I was going in the first
place
From: Genome
%
root.Genome/# /dev/hdb
bash: what the fuck do you think you are on about AY?
From: Genome
%
root.Genome/~ /dev/cdrom
bash: Fuck Off..... and squirm. Permission Denied.
From: Genome
%
root.Genome/& /dev/cdrom
bash: Permission Denied, HaHaHaHa!
root.Genome/< You Bastard
bash: Sure, so what you think you can do about it?
root.Genome/: Not a lot
bash: Nuff said, keep on poking......
From: Genome
%
Posting drunk!  I don't think any Slackers would ever consider such
a thing....
Shit, I need another glass of olive soup.
From: ~kurt
%
A few days ago in a newgroup far, far, away I postulated a rule that
productivity is inversely proportional to the complexity of the window
manager being used.
From: Mark South
%
How do *YOU* explain Roger Maynard, Ronald Matthews and Realto
Margarino all having the same Path, NNTP-Posting-Host, email address
and sig, posting to the same newsgroups and having the same fights
with the same people?
From: Michael Lindsay
%
Are you asking if it's "pretty", or "advanced"?
From: Dan C
%
Slap me or ignore me as you feel fit.
From: Genome
%
I don't want your fscked-up driver to tell me "printing started".
I just sent the fsckin' job to the printer, and because your drivers
prevent networking in any constructive way, the printer has to be
physically connected to my terminal.  The printer is loud enough on
its own for me to hear it without your asinine software telling me
shit I already know!
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
lrwxrwxrwx  1 root root 26 2004-11-04 08:32 /usr/bin/vi -> /usr/bin/emacs-21.3-no-x11*
From: Faux_Pseudo
%
As I see it (and this is purely a personal opinion), the Gnome you
choose for Slackware depends on how much you want to move away from
the stock install of Slackware.
From: reclusive monkey
%
I'd like to extend a formal invitation to Guy Macon to join the
Society for the Uneducated Caucasions that Kooks Salivate To
Overwhelmingly Bounce Excrement at in Unending Stupidity.[0]
[0]S.U.C.K.S.T.O.B.E.U.S.
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
If trolls become a significant problem then yes eliminating them is a
solution. But how do you eliminate them? Can their behaviour be
changed through any psychological technique? I for one do not see
trolling as a major problem in the 21st century, we have bigger
issues, but who will care for the trolls? If in fact they are mentally
unhinged. History will accord them a space, but not the same as for
those who actually get out there and solve problems.
From: Richard James In: Slackware-OT
%
It's not easy being green.
From: Chooch
%
Solve a problem and History listens, whine and it covers its ears.
From: Richard James In: Slackware-OT
%
Can't you just see Oscar pop up out of his trashcan when some one
else's system crashes?  "Geez you're killin' me! Guy writes an if-else
statement and thinks he's a sysadmin!"
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
Why do you think I nominated Oscar the Grouch? :^) I mean come on!  He
was the only muppet with a true grasp of reality.  And don't we all
use Slackware because we're the only linux people with a true grasp of
reality?
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
I never once thought muppets could be so philisophically deep...
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
Oh, Lord, it was a troll vortex and some fool lead us all into it !-D)
From: Loki Harfagr
%
Bare in mind, Slackware is meant to be configured by the user.  Not to
be preconfigured to do everything for you.
From: Self -X-
%
Though I'm not an active advocate of printing RTFM on a usenet or
forum, I would suggest that you google it first before incurring the
attention of the community.  Again, no disrespect.
From: Self -X-
%
For Fry's to carry a Linux distro says a lot.
It says marketshare!  
From: notbob
%
Apparently PV's big sin is that he assumed slack users have more than
fluff between their ears, know how to use a keyboard and can
read....and that has you pissed.
From: No_One
%
Hey man.  How in the world did you get a slackware.com shell account?
From: +Alan Hicks+
%
And trolls _do_ pass around public keys.
From: Alan Connor
%
it's a free world (or at least we want it to be), so it really comes
down to this: any newbie has the right to ask any question they want,
and you have the right to ignore them.
From: Joost Kremers
%
For one [sic] many computer users want Linux (or whatever OS) handed
to them on a silver platter. They are not willing to put in the time
and effort to read and understand. They are lazy, plain and
simple. They want others to tell them what to do. Very sad really,
these are folks that will never get anywhere in life, the real losers,
but they are everywhere.
From: Larry Gagnon
%
Let me guess: Floyd has posted some sophomoric insult about
my lack of mental competence.
From: Alan Connor
%
Dear Mr. Connor,
You are my hero.  Or at least one of them.  If I could be anybody but
me, I would be me, but being you would be a close second.
cordially, as always,
rm
From: Realto Margarino
%
Slackware doesn't suffer fools lightly, and neither should it users.
From: MikeReynolds
%
There is widespread consensus (probably unanimous, in fact), that you
are an idiotic, worthless, blowhard troll.
From: Dan C
%
It is true that long ago, in a land far, far away, I liked being on
the bleeding edge.  Somehow though, I got tired of bleeding.  Now I
love things that are stable, heavily tested, and patched till their's
nothing left to patch.
From: rwwff
%
man cfdisk seems much more appropriate to me than xpdf cfdisk.pdf
From: Bradley Reed
%
Do not question the God of Market Share.  You will make Him very
angry, and you don't want to see Him when He's angry.[0]  Just say
"Yes, Massa, it's all about market share" and save your energy for
arguments more likely to produce a helpful result, like arguing
about emacs vs. vi.
[0] or most of the rest of the time, either
From: Keith Keller
%
This is called trolling. You pick what you think will aid in the
trolling. What will help fan the flames, and evade the main points,
while subtly trying to change what the percieved main point is. While
I feel that you need a bit more experience, you are well on your way
to getting your very own bridge.
From: MikeReynolds
%
I did a Google search Realto Margarino, or should I say Roger Maynard,
or Ron Matthews. It would seem that you are pretty much despised where
ever you post. The Slackware folks seem no different. You appear to
have been a blight on Usenet since around 1992. Judging from the sheer
volume of posts, Usenet must be your life, which is to suggest that
you don't really have one. I would like to recomend that you should
perhaps crawl out of you parent's basement, get some sun, and maybe
get a girlfriend that isn't made of vinyl.
From: .snork
%
Says the assfuck that was talking about anal cravings. Let me let you
in on a secret... your mom loves my anal cravings.
From: Ivan Marsh
%
Try suicide instead.  Post your obituary first so we can all have a
good chuckle.
From: Chuckles
%
I just threw you a shovel so I could watch you dig.
From: Old Man
%
People like you are why lawn mowers come with a warning not to put
your feet under the mower or coffee cups comes with a warning of hot
coffee.  
From: No_One
%
If Windows is so easy to install, why do the HP DL380's we buy come
with a "smartstart" CD that's actually Linux that takes care of
installing Windows and all the drivers for you?
From: ray
%
If your VCR still blinks 12:00, don't try Slackware
From: Ron Gibson
%
What was the old joke floating around here?
Ubuntu is Afrikan for "Can't figure out SlackWare".
maybe
SlackWare is Afrikan for "Place to ask Ubuntu questions".
From: zentara
%
Silently killfiling someone is like being in a conversation with a
blind person and silently creeping out of the room leaving him talking
to the walls.  It is basic politeness to let someone know when you are
leaving.  That's why Ham Radio has "Over" and "Out."  That's why your
telephone gives you a loud, computer-generated click when someone
hangs up, even though the relay contacts that used to make the clicks
went away long ago.
From: Guy Macon
%
The RM troll sounded like this:
*plonk*.....*plonk*....*plonk*...*plonk*..*plonk*plonkplonklonkonknkk...
From: Guy Macon
%
when you have a problem, the right way to go about solving it is to
find out what exactly the problem is. anything else will lead to
wasted time, even if you do manage to accidentally solve it, because
you will not have learned *why* whatever you did turned out to be a
solution.
From: Joost Kremers
%