_________ SWAT MAGAZINE ISSUE TWENTY EIGHT APRIL 2000 __________
  /         \___________________________________________/          \
 /	  10 things that totally piss me off about McDonalds        \
/                    By ThE ReNeGaDe mAsTeR                          \
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Intro
	First id like to thank Firestarter for putting
	my article in the last issue. Thanks m8! :-)


A wise man once said....


           "Theres nothing quite like a McDonalds"


How right he is!




1. The Smell You Can Smell For Miles

Yes it isnt the fact that you have a good schnoz on your
face its cos they pump it out purposely to make you feel
hungry.  I think they do it with fans on the cooking area
ceiling or something, i watched a documentary about this
before about supermarkets and the way you THINK you can
smell the bread being cooked.

2. Waiting For Plain Burgers

If your a parky eater like me, you dont like the shit
they put in the burgers (Meat Excepted).  It takes them
4 mins just to cook a big mac!

3. The "Smiles"

Have you noticed the way that the serving staff always
look like they hit the bong on their lunch break?
Some probablys do but mostly its cos they are told to
too keep the customers happy.  They normally freak me
out.  Im sure Tony Blair used to work for them, he cant
stop looking like chucky from childs play now.

4. Wrong orders

We all know McDonalds's common flaw. Fucking up orders.
Im suprised they didnt copyright it! The thing is that
it never works to your advantage. Its not as if you order
a Big Mac Meal and get 2 burgers, no you always end up
without fries or..... you get a fillet of fish burger
by mistake.  This is especially annoying and common at
drive-thru's.

5. Music

The music in McDonalds is WAY too quiet. Whats the point
if you cant hear it?  Sometimes this is a blessing, you
know when they have those special limited edition meals
like the ones now which i think are chinese. Anyways,
they always put stupid music on like a chinese version
of a corrs song or some other crap like that. A walkman
sometimes is a must.

6. Toys

You know them pieces of crap kids go mad for?  Well I bet
you never thought about the fact that about 50% of the
queue is simply full of people wanting to buy Beenie
babies or whatever crap they are pushing now.  Yup you
end up waiting longer cos of people not wanting to buy
food but toys!

7. Seating

Why is there never a seat left at about 12am-1pm? Of
course its cos its lunch time but why dont mcdonalds
provide enough seating?

A. Cos the franchisee isnt bothered if people end up
   being mugged outside by seagulls.

B. Cos the street sweepers will get rid of all the
   crap people have dropped.


8. Gerkins

I can guarantee that at least 8 out of 10 people would
love all the worlds gerkins to be incinerated. They
taste like shit and the taste stays in your gob for
fucking ages. Nasty.

9. Milk Shake Machines

Is it just me or are 1 in 3 McDonalds milk shake machines
fucked? Its always when i fancy a milk shake that the
machine is fucked. Normally the part that spews out the
strawberry shakes.

10. Kids Partys

"Oh Ronald Mcdonald is a paedophile he likes the little
boys, he gets them into bed with him with promises of toys."

Kids partys are especially annoying.  I have nothing against
kids but the ones who go are idiots who run about eating
burgers then spewing on the floor.  Nice little sight if
your eating.